Home care blood labs today. Dale does not sleep at night, therefore, my sleeps also lacks. June, July, August, September, October, and over half of November and here we are. It almost seems this is just the way it is, routines in place, waiting for next relapse, hope this will end with a happy note, going to chemo, or coming out of chemo, schedules changing, what, where, how, who....
I told a co-worker's wife that I function at 56% most of the time. That's a lie. "Function" is overstated. We SURVIVE at perhaps 56%. Truly. Survival mode. Maintain as best we can. I added "we" as part of this statement, because we both are running as fast as we can, and exhaust ourselves daily. It is hard to describe the total commitment cancer has on us. It consumes our existence. I am glad I am able to continuing working (if that is what if is called when I am gone) not only because of the great people around me, but my mind can focus just a bit on something else for a moment. However, cancer is always there, always.
Dale works hard each moment to maintain his positiveness. He does not complain or demand. He is patient, gentle, and very grateful for anyone he sees or talks with. He is "functioning" much higher than I.
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