Three stones

Not one, not two, but three stones for Dale. He will go to the hospital tomorrow for an infusion to make the stones pass. That will be a relief for sure. Pain is more intense tonight, although not unbearable. He made it through another day without incident plus he took a short walk today. Dale is maintaining okay.

Quietly pale

Dale's skin tone is pale. He does not look nor feel well. He reports feeling just as bad during chemotherapy. Kidney stone probably still there, but the pain comes and goes. Is the stone moving? Will his system let itself heal? Is the pain really from the kidney stone? Dale quietly makes it through each day with hopes of improvement or stone movements. Which reminds me, diarrhea is apparently back. He has weakened and works at hydrating and eating to maintain what energy he has left.

My thoughts tend to make me think that bone marrow transplants are fragile and the body needs at least the 100 days to begin its progress back to adult system standards. Today is day 55.

Not a burden

Dale continues to suffer with kidney stone pain. As I spoke to him throughout the day, he quietly reassured me he was doing okay. Sometimes the pain was worse than another, yet he spoke to me with pleasantries and kindness. Throughout the cancer treatment experiences, he has not complained, shown anger, nor felt sorry for himself. Dale apologizes to me frequently for "putting [me] through this."  He certainly does not want to "get in the way" or "be a burden" to anyone.  He is not a burden. Stress, yes. But not a burden. He is a good man and worth every bit of that stress.

I find it interesting and reassuring that so many people care, read the blogs, ask questions, want updates, show understanding, and lend support for us still. In spite of tragic news through the day (locally and globally), our hearts are warmed with your concern and care. We believe in the goodness of family, friends, and people, and the hope we bring to one another.

Thank you.

This too, has not passed

The weekend did not bring out the kidney stone, yet. Dale endures the pain pretty well, remains quiet, and tries to be in good spirits. But, oh my! As I spoke with people at church today, they all grimaced at the thought. I suspect, they know from experience. Dale's appetite increased today from yesterday, so I believe the pain is not as severe. He is weak and his stamina he built is now lost. Since his immunity is fragile, I wonder if kidney stones will cause some other complication or if it will take longer to pass and Dale will have to endure more of the pain.

Progress goes inside out

Dale is a stubborn man. I left him this morning with slight complaints of "just not feeling well" but he thought okay. A couple hours later he calls to report he had taken himself to the ER. Hmmm. A CT scan later and they tell him he has kidney stones, give him some prescriptions, and tell him to find a ride home. I picked him up, put him to bed, arranged for a Dale sitter, picked up his medications, got a ride back to the ER to get my car, and he slept through it all. I hope it passes soon. Pain, nausea, and feeling lousy once again. Is this what retirement and old age is like?

Day 50

As one reads Dale's blogs, one may note his progress and feelings of gratitude. He expresses gratitude and  feelings of appreciation with hope and love. This, to me shows he is getting much better and able to deal with what is in line for him now for the next several weeks of recovering to the point he can get out more. He still needs his mask for quite awhile, as well as protection from infectious people, but health is on its way and he can see it now. He is on BMT day 50 today. Half way to the magical 100 day mark. That time went by quickly! 50 days ago was the day of bone marrow transplant and Dale is ALIVE and doing well.

Boo-yah!

Boo-Yah! Doctor put Dale on the maintenance program today, which means blood lab checks every two weeks or so, moving that to a three month stretch between visits eventually, and just be careful with the infection part of this whole thing. Good day. She also told him to wait for the colonoscopy until the 100 day mark to lessen the infection probability. Dale is happy about that! No dental visits or other types of possible infecting procedures until he is well beyond the 100 day mark. She also took him off blood pressure pills since his heart rate is fine. Now, build the stamina a day at a time. Double boo-yah!

Reading is good

I have caught Dale reading a number of times lately. That means his mind is clearer, his motivation improving, and his ability to concentrate increasing. Perhaps the annoyance of advertisements on TV reminding him of excessive TV time while receiving chemo and so forth, has soured his comfort with the TV. Reading is good. We have many books to be read. He reported feeling somewhat better stomach-wise, and thinks it may be his anxieties sneaking in. Yup, the mind is clearer, able to process, and make sense. Dale is moving forward.

Fortunately

Fortunately, the day was a beautiful winter day with blue skies and white clouds hovering mountain tops. Fortunately, we have a fabulous view. Fortunately, a dusting of snow makes the world look pure of pollutants. Fortunately, we went for a short drive and a bit of walking.

Unfortunately, Dale continues to suffer with post-chemo depression and stomach ailments. Unfortunately, nothing seems to help him feel much better. His appetite is fragile and sensitive to most foods this weekend. He is working the best he can to make each day a good one. Unfortunately/Fortunately, Dale does not have the hourly attention of nurses taking care of him keeping him in conversations.

Fortunately, he has a doctor's appointment on Wednesday.

Day of rest

Dale needed a day to rest. I suspect that we think he can do more than he really can and needs to slowly add activities. His mind wants to participate and do every day life things, however, we need to be careful. Immunity system gains strength but how do we know? I believe we may be somewhat negligent sometimes and need to tighten the routines and care. A day of rest is a good thing to do.

Not contagious

Dale has shrunk some in the last seven months and needed a new suit so we went together to the store to choose a good fit. Sales people don't really know how to handle a 6'2" very bald man with a surgical mask.  He had to go back alone to the store to have it altered and hemmed to fit. He reported the sales people treated him as though he was buying his funeral suit. Oh well. Maybe it is okay that people don't have the experiences to know that someone in Dale's condition is not contagious.

Day 45 since bone marrow transplant

His energy continues to improve, he drives us around on our domestic errands, and helps around the house (except on things he does not like to do, he claims he needs a rest). Resting is good.

No radiology needed

Nope. No radiology needed. One more thing to check off the list through this process. Maintenance is enough to do.

We visited our young friend (almost 23) in the hospital as she begins her chemotherapy to prepare for bone marrow transplant. She already went through several treatments, platelet and blood transfusions, remission for one month and then cancer came back with a vengeance. She will need a bone marrow donor. Her system is too compromised and cannot be used. She has great family support, fantastic attitude, and is doing the best she can. We were glad to see her, as we know what it means to have supportive friends and family to talk to.

Dale was asked if he had good support. His answer to the resident doctor today, "Yes, Jan is very supportive." The resident doctor added that Huntsman has support staff available and asked if Dale had spoken to anyone. His reply, "Yes I have and that is when my depression began!" There is just no one like Dale's Jan that knows how to support Jan's Dale.

Worth doing

Depression is a mean thing. Dale battles with it daily, expanded and emphasized with post chemotherapy. He gets quiet, lethargic, and his essential tremors worsen. Besides all the physical ailments of cancer he deals with, depression takes as much of his energy as he can to keep it in control. He gets a boost with people contact, although, that can't always happen because of his condition and respect of his fragile immune system. Working with Dale's emotional well being has become a full time job. I am pretty stable, and as my mom says "a woman of substance," so the challenge is another adventure for me. Besides, Dale is worth it.


We go to radiology today for a double check that cancer is gone.

New chef in the house

Dale finds he is able to focus better each day, finds activities to do, and feels his mind is clearing. He fixed us a wonderful meal tonight and did a great job! What a treat it was. If he cooks, I will certainly clean up. Looks like we have a new chef in the house who has time, ability, and motivation.

I continue each day, meeting it with hope, love, and joy for the lessons of science, service, friendship, patience, and opportunities. Another friend told me what an inspiration Dale and I are to those around us, as they read the blogs, talk with us, and wonder how we do it. How else can one handle something like cancer but to have the faith, courage, and hope? We gain strength from each of you. I do not know how it works, but we gain strength because you care enough to read, call, visit, inquire, send cards, or give blood (sounds odd in this list, but giving blood is awesome).   Thank you.

Today there are over 10,000 visitors to this blog. I guess our story is an open book!

Acts of kindness

Acts of kindness on Valentines Day

When I come home, I usually come around the house from the main street in the front. I like the view, less traffic, and I know who is visiting or what is on our door step. Today had a pleasant surprise of many valentines, beautifully decorated and lovingly placed with get well wishes and we love you notes!

My first thought was Dale being creative with his time and reliving childhood practices, since he is less than 2 months old with new blood system working now. But then I realized, he would not know where the paper, markers, tape, and scissors would be to decorate. Some kindness, once again, has come our way. He thought he might have heard something earlier in the day, but did not notice what was happening. The Valentine Sweethearts secretly placed the wishes and disappeared, just as it was back in the day...We are grateful for the continuous goodness shown to us from many.

Dale is getting bored. He has begun to look around for projects he thinks he can manage. (Perhaps I can set some up for him to do.) This is a good sign. It means he feels much better, his thoughts are clearing, and stamina is improving. Weather is good enough, he just may be able to walk a short block or two, once in awhile. Radiology appointment this week and next back to his mantle cell doctor. Week after that will be another colonoscopy. (Oh joy!)

Roses

Waking up after a long night of odd dreams, Dale decided he needed more rest before beginning his day. I called him a few hours later making sure he was okay. There were noises in the background that I did not recognize as TV or visitors. He had to confess: he was purchasing Valentine roses for me a day early to stay out of crowds of breathing people and because he always feels better when he is thinking of me. Yes, he drove to a store, met me in the school parking lot, and presented me with the roses. He had his "blue nose" on and carefully kept away from more people breathing.

My roses are much prettier. 

What this means: he is doing well enough to drive short distances, be on his own some, and think clearly. Progress.

Daily steak

Dale's energy and stamina continues to improve. He is able to get out more, stay up longer, and do more on his own. His cognitive ability seems normal most of the time and his depression is lessoned. I believe he is healing and progressing well. Such a different feel than a few weeks ago. We are still careful about being around people with possible infectious conditions and what he is able to eat. Dale wears his surgical mask in public all the time. I have his favorite meal memorized now, (cubed beef steak-well-done and cauliflower) which makes it easy. He is anemic according to blood labs from last week therefore, daily steak is just fine. It seems unusual, but there is only one planned medical appointment this week. 

We continue to be grateful to all that continually show concern and care for Dale's condition and my needs in it all. Each day, I can depend on caring words and kindness surrounding me. Once Dale is able to return to work, I am sure, he will be greeted with the same. Now, phone calls and visits sustain him as he loves to talk to friends. 

Building stamina

Each day brings a little more energy and stamina. I believe Dale is doing well. He continues to rest well during the day but is able to be up and about much more than last weekend. I guess I will get to put him back to doing his chores around the home (Whoot! Whoot!) I heard today about a young friend of ours with lymphoma thought she was in remission, but is not. More chemotherapy and probably bone marrow transplant will be coming. Sure hope it goes well for her. She has her whole life ahead of her. This cancer is not something to mess with and we feel fortunate Dale has had great care, support, and successes so far.

It is not over, however, we feel he is on the mend ahead of schedule. Thanks to all the love, care, prayers and support from so many people.

Blanket of care

Dale's soul has been warmed by friends once again. Secretaries at work asked how he is doing and I responded with, things like "he is doing okay, complains of nausea sometimes, tired & weak, but overall okay except lately he chills throughout the day." Both secretaries grinned and told me of their experiences with an electric lap blanket. A few hours later, they came to my office with a gift of said blanket for Dale. (How they snuck off work to get it, I don't need to know.) He is very grateful for the warmth it gives and immediately felt better from the care and concern given to us. Me too. People are wonderful, really. Good to have them around, just don't breathe on Dale.

Maintenance time

It took over 30 minutes for the nurses to draw blood today for blood level counts. Dale now has five bruises on arms and finally, his wrist vein worked. His nausea and gaging set in as they kept poking holes in veins with limited success. The central line is gone, so arms are main source to draw blood from. Once the doctor came in, he released Dale from the bone marrow transplant team. Doctor said he will see Dale on about Day 90 when they go through all the tests again. Then as Dale responded with off the wall comments, the doctor got right back at him with, "and I can refer you to a psychiatrist who works with post-chemotherapy patients." I laughed! The doctor is not only brilliant, but quick witted. Next week, radiology, week after that, back to his mantle cell lymphoma doctor. Maintenance time.

Chemo-brain

Dale's nausea is taking over again and reports he lacks focus and cognitive capacities. He has a strong heart (physically and figuratively) although the rest of his organs seem to be affected by the chemotherapy. Nurses refer to it as chemo-brain, chemo-stomach, or chemo-fatique, etc. He sleeps a lot but does not get much rest. Dale maintains each day, and I am sure his chemo-brain thinks a variety of thoughts to pass the time.

Bone marrow transplant doctor visit today, we believe, will be the official release from his care and back to the mantle cell lymphoma doctor. BMT has periodic visits in the next year for progress and tests, but since the transplant is good, they are done.

Flying solo

Dale calls it "flying solo" when I am not here with him. Today was his first day flying solo. I actually left him to fend for himself for 6 1/2 hours. I came home to pick him up for a doctor's appointment and he was sound asleep. He wore himself out with the vacuum cleaner (he wore his face mask to protect him from the dust). Just upstairs, Mom. He emotionally felt better, but physically, tired. That is okay, if he does just a little bit at a time, more strength will be gained.

His primary doctor appointment was fine with that doctor commending Dale on having a great attitude and the will to win the cancer journey. A friend of his with the same cancer is not doing well with the treatments. Dale is way ahead! Good job, Dale. The doctor ordered Dale's blood test updating non-cancer related health conditions, which he said look pretty good. He did not even add in that comment of "considering you had over 1,300 hours of chemotherapy, your health is pretty good," Lots of rest, weight loss, and being in a semi-retirement environment may have helped the health improvements....

Getting back to work was a good thing to do. I really do enjoy my job, the people I am with, and the profession I have chosen. Or perhaps it chose me. Now that Dale is doing so much better, I am able to focus and work on my proposal, and am getting closer to submitting to committee chair for the next steps and its defense to my committee. Feels good. Perhaps I am flying solo, too, as I prepare for my dissertation research.

Public appearance

Dale made his first public appearance (besides grocery stores and hospitals) today at church. First off, he looked pretty sharp in his suit. Next, it was fun to see the delight many neighbors had when they recognized he was there. Several took a minute to figure who it was. Clues included his bald head, surgical mask, and my big grin. We could feel the excitement and joy so many felt for his progress thus far. It was good to share in the blessings we have felt in this cancer journey. Good folk around us sustaining us both, not only on Sundays within our neighborhood but extending to our work families, friends all over, and our families. Gratitude to all. The treatment is completed, now the maintenance begins.

Doctor to doctor

Doctor's visit was productive. Dale is doing well with nothing out of the ordinary. They made some adjustments on medication specific to his lack of immunity that may be gentler on his stomach. They also gave suggestions on when and how to take it. Appointments next week: one with primary physician to go over his general health care and all the other medications he has, perhaps adjusting since Dale has lost 47 pounds. Another appointment with bone marrow transplant team with anticipation of their release to his mantle cell lymphoma doctor. And the healing begins. He does a bit better each day.

I will go back to work on Monday, actually before release from BMT, but it will be fine--I will be taking him to the doctor mid-Monday anyway, may as well try to re-acclimate myself to working, and giving him independence opportunities. He is getting a bit anxious about me leaving, I am getting a bit excited to get back to my world of work. Hmmm.

Slow rehab

Dizziness, fatique, and stomach pains won out today. When Dale stands up, he sits first to gain balance, and then continues to stand, but even the slow stand brought dizziness. It happened several times today, which is concerning. Not only did he not sleep well, but his fatigue level seemed to have increased. He reports that his stomach aches and does not keep food in there for very long. Something else must be going on. We go to the bone marrow transplant doctor tomorrow for more direction about BMT. It will be day 30 for BMT which means he adds another medication each day and that he has made it that far. I think it will be that each day will be independent of another day. Progress today does not mean more progress tomorrow. Changes come quickly and quietly. I may need to do short days at work to assist in more rehabilitation at a slow pace.

5000 miles

Dale was pretty energetic today (in comparison to the last six months, anyway). We readied our taxes to give to our tax accountant, went grocery shopping, and were visited by neighbors all in one day. Dale rested periodically to keep going, but he did well today. He is able to think forward and feels the progress happening. He still complains about stomach pains and will address that with his primary physician on Monday. The radiology appointment was made today and it will be at the Daybreak Huntsman Center. That will be nice. Five minute ride. I traveled just under 5000 miles to Huntsman Hospital in 2011. (And only one wreck!) My mileage is nothing in comparison to the many people who travel there from all over the world. I do not think we will need that many miles this year, however, I did not think I would for 2011 either, until June came.