Leaning on you

This weekend was full of emotions and feelings for Dale and me. I felt much better on Saturday which enabled me to get household chores done (high on the must-do-list for Dale-and me also, probably) before heading off to meet family for our Christmas luncheon together with spouses. Dale did not accompany me because he does not have the energies to maintain that long. It was pleasant and well needed by me. We shared some tender moments together that our family has and feel, but may not verbalize often. I realize my place in the family is solid and grounded on 56 years of choices, lessons learned (learning), and experiences lived (living). It was good to be together, I need the support and understanding. Consumed with cancer, my personality wavers in survival mode most of the time, therefore, getting out and being surrounded by goodness is necessary.

Dale, on the other hand, has not spoken much, tries to kid around to assimilate feeling okay, but I know he is not. He does not feel social and is fading into self-isolation modes. He wonders what is wrong, why he feels "out-of-sorts" and suggests it could just be the dreary weather, it is December, or perhaps it has something to do with the cancer. Whoa! I think he nailed it! "Something to do with the cancer!" Although, there is some good news, 66% sure mantle cell lymphoma cancer free, there is much to do beyond the completed chemotherapy treatments. Bone marrow transplant is not an easy ride. We are entering into phase 2 of the cancer journey with more unknowns with anxieties building. Dale is needing tender and gentle attention and care.

I need that too, and am getting boosted by many around me. I have a couple weeks off of work for the winter holiday break so neighbors and family time will be top for me to gain strength. Church always does me well. I find strength just being in a congregation of so many who, although have many personal struggles, hopes, disappointments, and celebrations, we each strive to be better people. Yesterday the Primary children performed their annual program and it was delightful. I spoke with many who show me genuine concern and care.

Sunday evening brought Santa Claus (Dale's cousin) and his angelic wife singing praises to us for comfort and joy. Tomorrow evening, grandchildren will grace our home with their giggles and love. Dale and I lean on each of you for sustenance. Thank you.