Leaning on you

This weekend was full of emotions and feelings for Dale and me. I felt much better on Saturday which enabled me to get household chores done (high on the must-do-list for Dale-and me also, probably) before heading off to meet family for our Christmas luncheon together with spouses. Dale did not accompany me because he does not have the energies to maintain that long. It was pleasant and well needed by me. We shared some tender moments together that our family has and feel, but may not verbalize often. I realize my place in the family is solid and grounded on 56 years of choices, lessons learned (learning), and experiences lived (living). It was good to be together, I need the support and understanding. Consumed with cancer, my personality wavers in survival mode most of the time, therefore, getting out and being surrounded by goodness is necessary.

Dale, on the other hand, has not spoken much, tries to kid around to assimilate feeling okay, but I know he is not. He does not feel social and is fading into self-isolation modes. He wonders what is wrong, why he feels "out-of-sorts" and suggests it could just be the dreary weather, it is December, or perhaps it has something to do with the cancer. Whoa! I think he nailed it! "Something to do with the cancer!" Although, there is some good news, 66% sure mantle cell lymphoma cancer free, there is much to do beyond the completed chemotherapy treatments. Bone marrow transplant is not an easy ride. We are entering into phase 2 of the cancer journey with more unknowns with anxieties building. Dale is needing tender and gentle attention and care.

I need that too, and am getting boosted by many around me. I have a couple weeks off of work for the winter holiday break so neighbors and family time will be top for me to gain strength. Church always does me well. I find strength just being in a congregation of so many who, although have many personal struggles, hopes, disappointments, and celebrations, we each strive to be better people. Yesterday the Primary children performed their annual program and it was delightful. I spoke with many who show me genuine concern and care.

Sunday evening brought Santa Claus (Dale's cousin) and his angelic wife singing praises to us for comfort and joy. Tomorrow evening, grandchildren will grace our home with their giggles and love. Dale and I lean on each of you for sustenance. Thank you.

My turn

Results of Dale's tests so far are good. No sign of mantle cell lymphoma cancer. There is one more next week for the colonoscopy and then we will know more. The doctor clarified why his white blood cells are high and I was satisfied with the answer. He also has the baseline overall checkup to begin the BMT process. We are getting into the next phase of treatments. Once BMT is completed, they give Dale back to the mantle cell lymphoma doctor's care for the next phase. She seemed pretty optimistic as she spoke with us. We were pleased.

So pleased that I allowed Dale to drive home. I was in no condition to drive. I felt lousy. And he was feeling good. I got carsick, though, because of acceleration and quick stops and changing lanes all the time! The night brought me and the bathroom toilet becoming intimate friends, or perhaps enemies. Scared Dale! I stayed home. Feel better now, but not really. Must be a combination of many things. Smog and yuck outside, Dale with a "clean slate" for now, and complete exhaustion. Poor guy, I interfered with his rest and relaxation for a day when I should have been at work. Missed our Holiday staff luncheon which I look forward to each year. Too bad for me, but good that I did not go. It would have been ugly.

One laundry load

Dale's day was uneventful--except for one laundry load. That concerns me. His system expels unexpectedly and unpredictably. I think it is more than the chemo. I believe there is something else going on and it has not been fully addressed or treated yet. If it was, this would not be happening still.

Today we go to his mantle cell doctor for test results and consultation on his progress. Then he will be turned over to the bone marrow transplant team and the next phase of adventures begins.

Angels and Harps

A gift from Huntsman Cancer Hospital yesterday came from a well known harp musician who also plays for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. It was beautiful and well appreciated by all in waiting rooms and coming and going to and fro throughout the building. She played so well that Dale feels the best he has felt today. Yahoo! May angels watch over him today, because I am off to work. Happy Birthday, Mom (on 12/14)! 

Harpist was playing at Huntsman, no flute-just a picture from web.

Cold Cereal

Yes, Dale is all worn out from the day's tests. Hope he passes them. He spoke with the BMT folks to set up his time there. Apparently, it will start with a battery of medical tests, EKG and such, then 5 days of chemo in the BMT center, and then, I don't know anything else. A new adventure will begin. In the meantime, hang in there, produce the appropriate blood cells so not to need transfusions again and stay away from neutropenia. (Look that one up!) In other words, do not do anything that may compromise Dale's non-existent immune system and cause infections. Keep breathing, coughing, sneezing to yourselves; scrub, peel, and cook food well done. No raw anything, i.e. nuts, berries, grapes, celery. Try peeling a raspberry or grape. Pasteurized dairy, no aged cheeses, plain, simple and boring foods. Good thing Dale likes cold cereal.

Three times a day may get old, but it's safe!

Snow elves have taken care of our sidewalks and steps to our home twice today. Once early this morning after the first snow, and again this evening after a day of light snow not melting from our north facing home. How sweet it is to have so many people continue to think what they can do to assist us. I have missed two days of work and know I have also missed what is going on. I feel a bit lost, yet grateful, and know that all is well because I work with great people.

Learn about science

Dale wore out yesterday as we proceeded with blood draws and the waiting game. Counts were okay, red  blood reasonable, (for a mantle cell patient anyway) white blood high, (a bit disconcerting) and platelets fine. This is the first time this crew of nurses had seen Dale since the "episode" and they all commented how good he looked--considering. Once we got home, he rested most of the evening. If yesterday was tiring, today will be down right exhausting to Dale. Traveling, waiting, sitting, walking, waiting sitting etc. does him in for the day.

Today brings two more tests; one with radiology the other bone marrow biopsy. The PT scan does not allow for food for several hours, so dinner for Dale was late to sustain longer. Once checked in at radiology, he will be given a "drink" of substance that the xray will track. Then he has to wait for two hours for it to get into his system. How they figure this stuff out is fascinating. Maybe I will go back to school and learn science!

Week of tests

Today we go to Huntsman for blood labs and have to stick around for the results, lest Dale needs another transfusion. I don't think he will since his energy and coherence are better now. Previously, the home-care nurse could have done the labs, but I suspect since Dale blacked out last week while blood was drawn, more precautions are taken. They also scheduled PT and bone marrow biopsy for tomorrow. By Thursday's appointment with the doctor, we could have a better idea of what is next, although the colonoscopy is not for another 10 days.

We are forever grateful to the kind souls around us who continuously lift our spirits and smile with us as we trudge along this medical pathway to who knows where, what, when, or how. I sometimes hope that I can focus on other things, but alas! Cancer care always prevails.