Just moments to connect

Sarcoidosis. That is what it is. Especially all over his lungs. Another doctor will look at him in two weeks. Symptoms continue to overwhelm his well being. Shortness of breath, fatigue, depression/hopelessness, and pain.

And it does not help when he is told he will have little visitors and they don't show up. Excuses seemed weak and he feels neglected. He was excited and looked forward to a lively visit. He had plans to entertain and enjoy their time together.  He waited patiently all day until, finally, was told they would not come. Maybe another day. Makes me sad. He works very hard to keep those connections strong. Seems to be non-reciprocal. Dale thrives on visits, socializations, and people connections. I can't imagine what he must feel as he is alone daily as I go off to work and he can't do much of anything.

Makes me realize that people, everywhere, need connections. The elderly, the feeble, the lonely, the alone. Take time to be with others, even if it interferes with your day. People you know are worth it. You are worth the connection.

I need to work on this myself.

Personal visits are the best, but phone calls or handwritten letters/notes are also nice. It takes but a moment to connect. But especially, show up when you say you are going to show up.

They call me Doctor

Dale has good days and not so good days. Yesterday was not a good day. His timing is usually bad for my world. I was ready to drive the two hours on my own so I could defend my dissertation today without him. Kind of a big deal for me and he had a lousy day that could have prevented him coming.   Sometimes I feel that he carries the worries of life within his health conditions and sabotages my progress. Probably not true, but seems that way sometimes...

He did well today with health conditions and we enjoyed the analytical discussion of the dissertation. About three clarifying paragraphs and its done.

They call me Doctor.

Well done, in spite of all the distractions Dale has given me over the past several years.

It was a memorable experience. The study brought some passionate self-reflections from each of the committee members. Exactly what it was supposed to do. They did not ask question about my methods or research, they commented on their experiences, practices, and beliefs and its impact on others.

Good Job!

Gathering more data

Dale met with primary care physician today to discuss the latest results of the CT scan. The lumps have spread more abundantly: lungs, lymph nodes, and chest.  Dale will go to another specialist for more tests and information. This doctor is anxious to proceed to find what is going on. There is concern. There is a problem. More tests, more data, more time.

He had a minimal day today. Weak, belabored breathing, and pain. Loss of hope, anger, and frustration have set in again. We had three nice days thinking he was on the mend. Good to feel that once in awhile.

Insurance causes delays and the doctor has to battle the system to do what needs to be done. Frustrating!

Misery in check

One week has made a big difference in Dale's well being. Sun is shining, he has been out in the yard, and he is feeling much better. The virus must be on its last weeks. Energy level greater, pain less dominating, and cough has leveled. Nose bleeds, dry coughs, and fatigue are common now. No kidney stone pain, some breathing difficulty, and his back pain is becoming more of the issue rather than the virus symptoms. Progress. Attitude improvement.

This week is another CT scan. Still don't know what pulmonary physician wanted to tell him. Insurance did not want to support that appointment.

More to me

Kidney stones have shown their painful face once again. I came home from a stressful intensive day of work, run Dale errands, fix dinner, and spend the night in the ER with Dale. That answers his complaints for the past few days. They treated him as kindly as a frequent flyer and I just sit there, waiting. He eventually passed the stone and I was sent out to get prescriptions before the late pharmacy closed.  That pharmacy does not take our insurance. I was somewhat kind to the pharmacist, but could have been gentler. By the time I got back to the ER, the pain medication was absorbed and they could release him. Home. He slept. I slept-but now up ready for another day.

On the good side of the day...I was visited by a friend with a celebratory cake just for me. My academic accomplishments recognized and celebrated. Thank you. I thank you, graciously, because there is more of/to me than that caretaker role.

Medium weak/week

We got out of the house yesterday and enjoyed the pre spring blue sky day. It was good to do--for both of us. There is something about nature that heals the soul.

Dale's week was medium. He gained strength daily, yet his mind continued to fight the weakness he feels. Today he is pale, cold, and quiet. He is not well. Appetite medium, diarrhea high. Blood pressure high, pain medium high. Depression high. Hopelessness high. Balance low, strength low.

Many people ask about Dale's health and their thoughts, prayers, and kindness are felt and appreciated.

Three more weeks of misery

Several days of weakness, coughing, vomits, and diarrhea do not make fun times. Dale continues to make it through a day, but is quite weak and in pain. The virus bumps on his shins and ankles have spread throughout his feet and cause pain. The one on his elbow ( I should have taken a picture-it was pretty ugly) is doing better. The bruising is yellowing and healing, but sore. This is a strange virus. The bumps are soft, hot, and painful. Dale's comfort level is low and he is too weak to do much at all.

Sunday was a good day. He was upright, dressed, downstairs, and conversed in sound conversations for several hours of the day. We felt he was doing better, however, Monday came.

He took himself to the doctor's for checkup. He was out and about for perhaps two hours, came home exhausted, and had to rest/sleep the rest of the day.

Hopefully, he is mostly done with this virus. Its been about 5 weeks of the said 6-8 weeks of healing. I suspect three more weeks of misery.