Domestic chores

Although Dale works around the home and yard, he feels unproductive. I am not sure what he means by that, since he is not supposed do yard work for a year they said. Domestic chores are his exercise and joy so I am okay with that. I can certainly create many domestic chores to be completed in assisting his feeling of productivity... Dale needs projects to feel good about himself and there is no holding him down (however, I am still stronger than he is and could if I had to!).

His hair grows strong and he has to shave all the time now, annoying to him because he got used to not needing to. Oh but the woes of being a man! Dale's health progress is good, however, two extra laundry loads this week, shows there are still woes to deal with.

Best gift

Last November, while Dale was quite sick, he told me to go shopping on Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. He was receiving more chemotherapy, getting ready for bone marrow transplant, and doing all he could to stay positive. I went to the mall, walked in stores, and wandered with the crowds. I came to the jewelry store and found a Black Friday special for a 20 year anniversary ring-simple band with a few diamonds. I bought it with the hope he would actually make it to January 18, our 20 year anniversary. I did not think he would make it through the next treatments. His condition at that time, still very fragile. Several weeks later, he was released from the bone marrow transplant hospitalization on our 20 year anniversary. A great gift. I did not get flowers, however, I got my Dale. At day 85, he has come a long long way since Black Friday.

Day 84

Today is the 84th day since bone marrow transplant. Dale gets restless, which means he is healing well. He finds projects around the house and yard, which is fine with me, because they need to be done sometime. Projects are broken into chunks instead of one huge exasperating day of work. He works on a physical project, rests, then on thinking projects, which go on and on and on. I am not sure which is more dangerous for his well-being....The diarrhea seems to be subsiding for now with the stronger antibiotics; hopefully, it is just an infection and will go away in a few days.

Show-and-tell

My science project, Dale, visited school today. A good day to do so since there were no students. Those that were there enjoyed the show-and-tell science project and I enjoyed the smiles he brought. He looks well, a bit of hair, good skin tone, and bright smile. Most had not seen him since December and he was pretty chemoed. I was glad he felt comfortable to come in and meet some people and those who read the blog were delighted to meet the main character. He did well today.

Impatient

A productive weekend brought a much needed day of rest for Dale. He wants to be able to do his regular spring chores, however, he is not strong enough to do so, and that is difficult on him. He directs now-a-days, and I do the work. I am happy to do so, but Dale thinks he should be doing more, regardless of cancer recovery time. He is impatient! He reports not only being tired, but just not well. Continuous diarrhea would do that to anyone. There has got to be another option in the healing zone rather than diarrhea. The new medicine does not seem to be doing anything different. I suppose when all the tests come around in about 20 days, diarrhea will be discussed, once again.

No extra laundry, today anyway

Dale was a busy young man today and had plenty of energy to do the domestic chores around the house that he loves to do. Sure is nice when he is able to do so. This was completed with continuous nature calls, however, he was glad to be home to answer the calls. It makes for a good day when the laundry loads are planned laundry loads in his domestication duties.

No word on the lab tests yet.

Quick production

Dale's blood levels improved, energy better, but diarrhea continues. Doctor hopes it is an infection and not something else, took another test sample, and prescribed a stronger antibiotic. Since he needed to give a sample, we headed to the 6th floor eatery at Huntsman, Dale ate some breakfast, went back to the 2nd floor doctor's offices, and within moments, Dale was ready to produce the sample. That quick.  Results of sample will take a day to decide. Her concern was good to note because the diarrhea is persistent with Dale's daily life.

Note the good signs of skin color,  hairline, eyebrows, and mustache. 

Ditto

The report today is ditto of yesterday. Tomorrow brings blood labs and doctor visit. I hope they figure something about his excessive diarrhea. It is a constant. He cannot eat a meal without a rush to bathroom within the hour, or perhaps much less; he never knows until 30 seconds before it happens. He eats to live now a days, and sometimes not even that.  If we need to be someplace, Dale will not eat prior, lest he....and that is not a pleasant experience. Unfortunately, it happens. Unscheduled small laundry loads continue.

Oh-yeah-cancer

Dale spent the day resting and thinking. It would be nice if he felt well enough overall to do things he likes to do and find his joy once again. It has been almost ten months of living with the diagnosis of cancer. We are further down the line than we were told in the beginning by at least three months. Sometimes we think it is all done and then there is a bump along the way bringing us back to oh-yeah-cancer mode. He is in the seventies this week in the bone marrow transplant countdown number and that means, still be diligent in care. Soon scheduling will be made for all those medical tests ensuring progress.

Dripping sweat

Our out of town time was productive and good treatment for cabin fever. The first day, Dale had more energy than we thought possible, however, the next days, he had to rest the majority of the time. Fortunately, he had a good book, which he finished. While it was warm the first day, we noticed that Dale actually had beads of sweat dripping off his baldness.

It may seem crazy, but we got excited since he had not done so since August of last year. Hair and sweat must be nonessentials for body existence. My explanation of such loss of body functions during chemotherapy: the body gets rid of as many nonessential functions it can to sustain life in order to deal with the killing effects chemo has on it. The body goes into survival mode. Since the last chemo was the last week of December, the hair and sweat are returning.

Strength by both

I came home today finding Dale anxious. Then as I helped him to process his day, I found out why. His blog talks of my strength versus his strength. He does not like to admit, but I have always been the stronger one between us. He was stronger physically one day, but I have always been stronger, mentally, emotionally, intellectually, and physically. Woot! Woot! He is taller, so I capitalize on that, but I am stronger! He does, though, rule on the spiritual, social, creative, shopping, and chemotherapy endurance strength.

Eyebrows

Infection, depression, and boredom, makes for sad days. Good that Dale is treated for the infection and his body is facing it alright, bad that he is still getting the same intestinal infection so frequently. Good that Dale's mind is clear enough to have the feelings of depression, bad that he is in such a state so frequently. Good that Dale is bored because that means he wants to be productive, bad that his body is not quite ready for the production Dale would like to do. Answers: stay out of hospitals where the infection jumps into Dale's system. Accept visits, calls, or notes from people. Dale is a people person and needs us around him. I believe the respect for his fragile immune system condition is high and appreciated, although, Dale needs people. Feel free to call or visit him, however I say this today and then I am taking him out of town for the next few days. He is healthy enough to road travel, (airplanes do not have infection clean air) we have business to complete, and the trip together will be good for us both.

Eyebrows

Progress: eyebrows are visible now, his mustache is darker than before, and gray rules the beard, but the loneliness and depression remains in his eyes.  We had a little family visit last night that brought joy and colored pictures to display on the fridge. That helps.

Rest is best

Today went well most of the day until late afternoon when Dale began feeling ailments of a headache, stomach ache, and almost a fever. I say almost, because it isn't there yet but he feels that it could come. He is pretty good at knowing when his health is on the edge. Rest, rest, rest, is best bet. Perhaps, we again, try to do more than he is ready for. His intestinal infection is still there, but in better control. He is discouraged, although hanging in as best he knows how to.

Cancer remission heroes

I live with a good man who cooks too. Dale wants to help as much as possible making his day productive and contributing to our domestic and academic chores. His energy increases each day and his domestic skills are in working order. We took a walk grocery shopping, returned home, Dale rested, I studied. Dale cooked dinner, I studied. We ate, Dale rested, I cleaned the kitchen. We walked around the block outside, Dale rested, I blogged. Dale is progressing well, still needs a bathroom within sight, however, better than earlier this week. He can handle more activity than a week ago. He has visible beard growth and fuzz on his head, which makes him happy. The toxic chemo must finally be gone from his body.

I believe the blog topics may become mundane, monotonous, repetitive, and redundant (see?). We are slowly returning to somewhat of a normal life, albeit, Dale is not working yet, he can't be in public without his surgical mask, and his immune system still needs healing.  Our daily happenings are like others out there with no reports of particular interests in the remission side of cancer.

Did you read that? No reports of particular interests in the remission side of cancer, that statement itself is reportable! Amazing, but here we are! Remission. Anyone in the remission side of cancer is a hero to me. It is a tough battle. Dale even told me that kidney stones were nothing, really, compared to his cancer treatments.

Writing this blog helps both of us not only to process the journey's experiences, but to share our story. As it dwindles to regular life, I will miss doing so and just may need to begin a new blog about the happenings at high school through my eyes as an assistant principal. I will need to create total anonymity, pseudo names for all parties, places, leaders, students, and faculty, to protect us all. Could be a good read, never boring or dull, and comments of "you can't make up this kind of stuff."

Some day, eventually

It must make for a long slow day for Dale as he mends, alone, at home, every day. With limited capabilities to do what his mind wants to do, he does what he can. Since his body screams to be near the bathroom with another bout of diarrhea from the intestinal infection once again,  most activities are limited.  Dale works well to keep his spirits in place to heal as fast as possible. The sunshine is great, the clear skies better, and hopes of gentle warm days bring happiness to his soul. He will want to mow the lawns and do some yard work, however, they tell him not to for a year; too much of a risk for infectious things out there. That will be hard on him.

He must be feeling better (sans diarrhea) because he is anxious to be productive and active, but his body is  slow to recoup enough to keep up with his desires. One day, it will come, eventually.

Women vs Men

Doctor's visit was short and encouraging. Blood counts where they should be, albeit white count down, but that is normal especially with his kidney stone escapades and confirmed intestinal infection.  She told us Dale is doing well, will see him in two weeks, and then shortly after that the BMT team will begin their  overall health status tests. Moving forward.

I returned to work with a greeting from my boss: "What are you doing here?" I told him I was just checking if I still had an office. He said yes, so I busied myself with the stuff on my desk. I began to think of the several days away I had and the impact it had on my emotional well-being. When the trip began, I told myself I would focus on the girl's experiences, get to know parents & coaches, and enjoy the trip with each of them. They were a great group of people. The moms kept asking me questions; how did you get selected this year to come with us? Do you have any kids? How come your husband did not come with you? And then, how could you leave him alone? Is there someone taking care of him while you are gone?

It went down hill from there. The women kept asking questions and as hard as I tried to answer generally without mention of bone marrow transplant, cancer, or compromised immune system, I shared all sorts of information. The compassion surrounded me, the care given, and the understanding shown. But there were also looks of "how could you not be with him?" and some "you should feel guilty for not being there" insinuations. That made my trip with the girls difficult because of constant discussion and questions brought to the forefront thrown in with emotions I am not experienced with. I am experiencing many new emotions and feelings that are all jam packed into eight months that most women learn over years of motherhood.

Then I thought if I had accompanied the boy's teams someplace, first, the dads would wonder what the heck I was doing there, and second, they would ask no more.

Back to my boss's statement to me for being at work already. At the end of the day, we had a few uninterrupted moments of discussion,  he asked caring questions, he listened to the answers, and I was reminded once again, why I really like working for him.

Caretaker Brain

Today was a good day for both of us. I decided I needed to stay home and be with Dale through the day. We needed the emotional connection and support we give one another. He was alone and quite uncomfortable for several days, and I was exhausted. I thought the exhaustion was physically induced from several days of constant walking in the sun in Disneyland and trying to keep up with 20 drill team girls, but once I got home, I felt an emotional relief. Part of the exhaustion must be from the exhausted caretaker brain. I figure if Dale can have chemo brain to excuse and explain, I too can claim a brain. It takes emotional energy to caretake from far away. It is just better to be together.

I did nominal tasks around the home keeping it bone marrow transplant patient clean. Dale helped in changing the sheets however, became winded assisting me. His stamina is minimal and he does what he can, hoping to be productive somehow. Doctor appointment in the morning, labs, and hopefully, just good news of progress.

Rolling stones

Dale had a painful day after his night in the ER. He left a little treat for me to observe, which I believe to be the stones. Hallelujah! He will check with his urologist for any more treatments. Dale tells me he does not feel well, about like he did before we knew he had cancer, sick and sluggish. The visit to cancer doctor Wednesday may give some insight.

Not good sign

Dale's health is a mess. Today brought a visit to the ER once again because of blood in urine. He said pain and the blood alerted him to the point of deciding to go to the ER. A friend took him this time, since I am out of town on school assignment. Good thing we have great neighbors. I do not know results yet but will report when I know more. Fortunately, Dale has his regular appointment with Huntsman on Wednesday and he will need to report all this information to them. I thought I might send Dale alone to that appointment, but probably not. Progress has gone backwards with the whole kidney stone issue.

Slow healing

Today did not bring any changes for Dale's stones. He says he does not feel well but it is manageable. He met with some friends for a few hours and had a delightfully fulfilling evening. It is always good to keep those close connected friendships going. Our young friend who I mentioned a few weeks ago that has lymphoma, continues to have complications. Fevers led to viral pneumonia therefore she has several types of antibodies and other drip lines into her system. I feel so sad for her. This is tough to deal with. Although, Dale and I think we are doing fine, things sneak up and I realize the cancer and Dale's continuous healthcare is first priority. We work at "normalizing" life and it's daily tasks, but cancer is all encompassing and takes over. It is everything. The cure/treatment is a tough, unknown route of fragile health complications making it even worse. Neither Dale nor our friend heal very well any more it seems now. I hope it improves with time.

Hoping

Kidney stones are stubborn. Even after a transfusion made to assist in their movements or dissolvement, Dale reports pain and a day of diarrhea. Will that ever go away? He is exhausted and needs good rest (and lots of fluids). We hope the night is either productive or just peaceful. We are hoping there will be no other complications for at least 15 years!